My Stephen King moment

Oh those sneaky neighbors and their suspiciously named stream. They only pretended to listen to my apology. As it turns out they sent some lackey, probably from the suburb of Hovea or some such place, after me on the roads.

For those of you who do not know I was involved in a car accident today. I was minding my own business, stopped at a set of lights when suddenly, out of nowhere comes this maniac lady in a grey hatch-back. She looks ahead of me to the glaringly red street light and grins maniacally. She knows now there is no escape for her prey.

Howling with delight she stamps her foot down on the accelerator, lurching her vehicular missile into top speed. Time for a moment stops. The universe holds it's breath. This is going to be good. The nano-seconds start to slip by slowly....The Mark hasn't seen her.....BOOOOOOOM!

At this point I'm lying down. I wasn't expecting this as I waited for the light to turn green. It doesn't usually happen. Usually the light turns green and I sail gently closer to work. Today I seem to be lying down. It's weird.

Where are my glasses? Why are there CDs in my lap? Where did that mark on the ceiling come from? Why am I staring at the ceiling again?

I sit up slowly and see the wrecked car in the rear vision mirror. I get out of the car swiftly and hurry back to check on the driver. I seem to be OK and I need to make sure no-one has been injured.

As the sounds of the universe slowly seep back into my adrenaline-addled brain I notice that she's still clutching half a cigarette. How did she manage to keep hold of that thing?

I ask and she's apparently OK and no she doesn't need me to call anyone as she's got a phone. There's a paramedic there which is weird because I didn't hear sirens. Apparently there is a crash down the road and he is stopped at the same intersection. It still seems to be red but there is no cars in front of us now.

I assure him that we are OK and go about the grisly business of examining the cars. Mine seems fine. Nothing can keep the good old girl down. Hers is a mess. My tow-ball has totally smashed in her radiator. I can see green liquid seeping onto the road like thin blood.

I offer to help her push her car onto the curb but she says it'll be fine. She hops in and miraculously the engine starts. She pushes up and onto the center isle. I push the back of my chair back up and hop in. I turn the key and look ahead.

The light is green. This is what I was waiting for. Without a single thought, I glide ahead.

Would that that were the end of the story. Her car is wrecked but she apparently caused the accident so I'm not sure about the Karmic balance there. I seem to be OK and I am generally OK with this development. I don't need to worry about the car. The lady was fine physically. Gotta get to work now because I was already running late.

I get across the intersection and about 20 metres down the road and stop. Not because there is anything wrong with the car but because the car ahead of me stops. Of course, the paramedic was attending an accident and so the traffic is backed up. Perfect! What else can go...Whap!!!

I'm lying down again. This seems to be happening to me a lot today. I generally like lying down but this is not the time nor is it the place. I sit up and immediately check the rear-vision mirror. Who has hit me this time? I wonder.

But no-one hit me. My seat had collapsed. Something in the accident (probably my weight) had irreparably broken my drivers side seat. I suddenly realize that I'm facing uphill and I have no back support. My back starts to ache and so does my right hand. I look at it and see a massive black bruise on the back of my hand.

The back of my hand? When did I hit the back of my hand? My heart rate is up. Way to go body! You've finally caught up with the situation. Not far behind my body is my brain. Wait a second! It seems to cry. I'm not fine at all. And neither is my car.

But now I'm stuck in traffic. It takes me fully 25 minutes to get far enough up the highway and passed the road accident so that I can turn. And then that is onto another highway and it's another 10 minutes before I get back to the site of the accident.

The lady is gone, and so is her car. Did I imagine the whole thing? I don't think so. At least, I have been typing this for a good hour because my right hand doesn't work so well just at the moment. And I have a heat pack strapped to my back.

Yes today has been a terrible day and I cannot wait for it to end. This was just one of many incidents which led this day to totally suck. Among others, I also broke my shower head. I don't fit into the kids bath so now I'm going to have to shower at work tomorrow.

I wasn't hit by a truck but maybe this will be my Stephen King moment. i.e. I was good before and I'm even better now. The only thing makes me think this is because I am reading The Gunslinger series at the moment. Whether he's insane or genius, this series proves it.

And so I go to bed. If I don't wake in the morning, let this be last thing I ever say:

SCMPF (Christian knows what it means and he will never read it)

Drowing in Envy

This is a story crossing the boundaries of time. Not in a Back to the Future style containing the pumping rhythms of Johnny B. Goode in the unlikely arena of a 1950s gymnasium. Nor in the style of a liquidic (It is so a word!) police officer a la Robert Patrick in the classic Terminator 2. No, this is a story set in two time periods with basically nothing holding them together except for the powerful glue of Hollywood legends. The Suspension of Disbelief.

If it were a movie, it would be that one where Keanu is in the past writing love letters to that chick in the future who buys his house on the river only to discover that they had actually met on several occasions and were spiritually connected in some deep and meaningful way. Except that it would be good and I wouldn't fall asleep.

It all starts many years ago and earlier this week. My brother, my sister and myself were discussing some crap in a Seinfeldian style, as we were want to do on a Tuesday, when suddenly and without warning, the subject turned to global warming.

We were living in Mundaring at the time and we were high up, perched on the top of the Darling Range. Below us, in all it's sprawling misery, was the metropolis known as Midland. We knew of other, larger cities, but they were far, far away. Humbled as it were by distance and lack of experience.

No, Midland was the cesspool of crime and violence in our spheres of influence. It was a place which had good shops that you rushed into and hoped like crazy that you could get home without being mugged, murdered, or worse.

Back to the story. We were discussing global warming and we had decided that it would be best if some higher being were to allow global warming, that they ensure that Midland end up under water. We were safe in our quiet mountain town. and we lived an hour or so from the beach as well. This would be a fine development.

Skip forward to this last week. Note that I'm telling the story chronologically because of the textual medium. If this were actually a movie, we would have interspersed bits of back story with the current one to make it more like an episode of Lost and increase the level of dramatic tension in a steady arc toward the spectacular finale.

So earlier this week, I was having a conversation with a colleague at work. I happened to mention that where I was living in Stratton (now at the bottom of that fearsome hill), it practically never rains. In fact, whenever it looks like it might, causing us to rush around bringing in the kids, the dog, the cat and the washing, the clouds tend to pass harmlessly over us, shower lightly on Jane Brook (the next suburb over) and then go on their merry way.

I hated those smug Jane Brookers. They get Broadband2+, they get rain, they get a brook. What do I get? I get petty street crime and a maze of roundabouts so intense, I heard the Rubiks guy is still lost in them. Oh yes, I hated them and I made sure that I said so.

So now we reach the end of the tale. It is now Sunday afternoon. I guess those Jane Brookers must have some sway with the big guys upstairs because it is raining so hard right now that I fear I may be fishing at that fabled fictional beach of my siblings overactive imaginations soon enough.

I apologise Janey's! I'm sorry! Please, I have not the skills to build an ark. I did not know what I was doing. The lord of deceit, he whispered quietly in my ear and told me I wasn't getting enough rain. He said I shouldn't need to water my lawn. He was wrong do you hear me?! I denounce him!

And now it stops. The clan of Jane Brook have heard my impassioned plea. They have lifted the curtain of wet death that had drawn so close and shown me the sun once more. As I look to the sky I see the mark of their promise.

They will not do this again, it seems the bright bands of color say. Except for Indigo. Indigo is saying that I had better not make them do it again. Or else.

Strange Brain Habits

Does anyone else have a brain which randomly shouts things at you at inappropriate times? It's like my own subconscious is constantly looking for weird (and potentially funny) stuff to say. Very odd.

As an example, I was doing one of those Getting to Know you emails which my bro forwarded on to me this evening. You know the ones which circulate around starting from some smart-assed spammer who eventually gets it back chocked full of peoples buying habits and email addresses.

Now, I usually go a little silly with these sorts of things but when i got to question 40 I just started going off the rails. If you have more than one train on the track then this is probably okay I guess. So what was question 40 then? It was:

Do you make friends easily?

OK. Nothing too crazy right? Except that my brain immediately goes

"No. Robotics is difficult. I can usually create some kind of contraption which can walk a few steps on flat ground. Of course it isn't very energy efficient so I wind up walking next to it and carrying the power supply. This is OK though, I don't mind walking hand-in-hand because isn't that really what friends are for.

All of which is great and all but sometimes I want to climb a gentle gradient. And some shops have little steps in front of them. And sometimes I just want to sit and chat. My robotic friends make great listening partners but they rarely have an idea of their own. At least I assume that they never have an idea of their own. If they did they would probably have a hard time expressing it as they are just a pair of robotic legs which can't even carry their own power supply.

That's another thing. Do you know how embarrassing it is to take a friend to a party and have it run out of batteries. Even those of you whose friends are not made of Popsicle sticks and rubber bands have probably had to suffer the embarrassment of carrying a friend home from a party.

My friend never gets any of my subtle hints either. Whenever I want to be alone with a chick he just sticks around no matter how many times I yell at him "DUDE I NEED SOME QUALITY TIME WITH MY WOMAN!". Eventually I have to carry him out of the room and by then the shampoo commercial is usually over.

I've tried to improve my skills but there is very little instructional material on making your own friends on the back of Wheat-Boxes, which as we all know is the encyclopedia of the masses. If anyone has tried to make a companion using techniques found from a different kind of early morning snack box then I would be most grateful for the help."

At that point I read the whole email. Giggled my ass off and decided to remove it. I felt that it deserved more exposure than the 9 people I forwarded the email to. Even though it would have helped people to Get to know me, I'm not entirely convinced that it's such a good idea. I love it. It's a masterpiece. But it detracted from the email.

But it deserved to live. It needed to be read. And so, dear reader I leave you wondering, "is this guy mental, or is he just one of us?"

Let me tell you a tale

I feel like a new man. I could probably get one looking as I do at the moment. Pretty sharp, let me tell you.

For those that see me relatively regularly, next time you see me you will note that I have removed my Olympic Bear-Swallower style beard. Cost me a pretty penny too.

Normally when you undertake such a crazy plan, you'd trim the beard down first and then go the razor. Bugger that, I thought to myself and immediately started hacking away at it with a ShickFX Quattro razor.

Three disposable razors later I am now smooth again. Three! At four blades a a head. That's twelve razors bluntened by my 5 weeks of growth. I'm not sure that I earned enough money in that time to cover the cost.

There are other things going on in my life at the moment which make me feel refreshed but as I'm under a blood oath not to talk about them... let me tell you a cautionary tale of stupidity. In this way I hope to educate you all about stupidity so that you can avoid my mistakes in your own lives.

It was a cold winter morning way back in my early teens. My itty bitty book light, the pride and joy of my toy collection at the time, had stopped responding to my "on" requests. Instead of suspecting the bulb (the most likely culprit), your intrepid hero decided to attack the problem armed with a screw-driver.

Now, I'm not a complete marshmallow. I know that you don't jam a screwdriver directly into an electrical device if it's plugged into the wall. So I calmly extracted the power cable and rested it gently between my teeth.

Go back and read that paragraph again. I kid you not, I placed a power cable IN MY MOUTH! But all is not over for our fearless protagonist. Because of the way these kinds of power cables was constructed I did not immediately meet my fate.

You see, this cable was constructed of two metal cylinders, one inside the other. They were separated by a thin sheet of, presumably, resistant plastic. So as long as my teeth and lips stayed away from the inner core, I would be ok.

Well, it would have been a good idea for someone to tell me that before I tried to adjust it's position with my tongue.

I woke up on the floor several minutes later with a killer headache, sore teeth and jaws, and a numb tongue.

I have never since owned an itty bitty book light. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if that one remained. Sitting in my old room at my parents house. Just waiting.

Waiting.

Escape Attempt III - The Final Attempt

Well it seems that the irascible mastermind of the previous two escape attempts [ (1) (2) ] has finally seen enough to give it a go on his own. On Tuesday Caleb did a runner. At Chiara's school no less.

Let us just say that everyone survived and leave it at that. I think that he's going through "The Terribles Twos". He seems to have developed this crazy level of defiance such that anything he is told to do is immediately wrong. Most kids seem to do this at some stage.

It is extremely difficult not to anthropomorphize the child with some kind of devilish nature when this happens. He is supposedly an innocent little child I can't help but see him as something more like a criminal mastermind. At least I always liked the bad guys in films.

He's just lucky he is cute.

Karmic Justice and Escape Attempt II - The return of Escape Attempt

Occasionally the universe exhibits a sense of humor. Or, if you prefer not to believe in a white-bearded dude who watches us and guides us, maybe it is just our perception of the universe which is sometimes skewed with a comedic bent. Whatever the case, sometimes a spark of cosmic laughter seems to entwine itself around our life-thread and keep the story moving in way that makes you smile.

In this particular instance I had one of those moments where I did something that I thought maybe wasn't entirely right. It wasn't fully wrong, on a scale of Black and White it would be a kinda creamy color. Allow me to tell you the tale.

We went out to dinner after work on Friday night to say farewell to a co-worker who has been with Creative Nature since the beginning (and before but who's counting). I left all of my stuff back the office and so when dinner was completed, I came back to the bullpen to pick up my laptop and other flotsam that I figured I'd need over the weekend.

The trouble is that I was thirsty and so I grabbed a can of coke from the fridge at work. There is a vending machine upstairs but it meant upsetting security more than I really had to and besides, the drinks fridge was open on Friday afternoons anyway. I'll admit that I felt a little guilty, mainly because it's a stretch to put midnight into the phrase afternoon and keep a straight face.

I slaked my thirst and grabbed another can on my way out. It sat next to me on the drive home and I started to feel kinda guilty about it. Like it was staring at me thinking, I know what you did. Not a big thing but I felt bad about it anyway. Once I got home, I went inside and forgot all about it.

The next day,  I was surprised to hear my car door open. This was because it was locked. By the time I'd got to the window to check it out the alarm was going off.

My wife was first to the door so she rushed out to the car and I suddenly had a craving for caffeine. Remembering the soul-bought can of sugary goodness I called out to Barbie, "Grab the can of coke off the font seat me, would you?". She just started to laugh.

It was about lunchtime and the can had been sitting in the sun for hours. It had of course exploded. The pressure of the can blowing is what cracked the door open and set off the alarm. Justice had been royally served.

The second thing to happen this weekend was that another miraculous escape was attempted, once again facilitated by my eldest son. This time the escapee was our dog who gleefully pelted across our neighborhood until Barbie tired her out.

I was in the car with the kids, learning the hard way just how difficult it can be to hunt down a dog at twilight in a car through an urban rabbits warren with three kids. One crying because he missed his mum, one crying because she missed her dog, and one pointing at the moon and giggling with delight, totally oblivious to the trouble he had just caused. 

I'll leave you a thought which I believe is pertinent to this story. It goes something like this:

Life may not always be fair but if it were then you'd deserve all of the stuff that happens to you. At least this way you get to complain about the unfairness of it all.

Introducing the family

Well Brian posted a photo of his kids so I thought I'd do the same. I hunted around for a little while and this is the first one I found with all three of them. My daughter is eldest and her name is Chiara. My eldest son is Caleb and my younger is Will.

 Remember that last week Caleb let Will out the front door. They certainly keep everyone on their toes. But I can't even imagine life without them.

I also thought I'd post a photo of Malta. And not just to prove that I hadn't done away with her (if that were my intention she'd be holding today's newspaper). It's because she's also a member of my family. As you can see, she's a wannabe dingo.

I wasn't going to  put in a picture of Boris (our cat), partly because being a typical cat, he wouldn't sit still long enough. Partly because I had always thought that home pages dedicated to peoples cats represented, at the same time, the worst and the best fundamental ideas of the Internet. Then I remembered one that I took when we first bought our camera. At the time Boris was keenly interested in the little bobbly thing hanging from the wrist-strap on the camera.

For some examples of extremely strange cats (who do sit still and not just for photography) check out this site.

I'm not going to post a picture of myself or Barbie. That will have to wait until we are rock stars and the paparazzi catches up with us.

Ah well, I'm off to feed the animals then. Good Night Australia!

 P.S. The pictures came out a little messed up because of a WLW/Blogger/My Brain malfunction. Hopefully the next time I do this I can get this all working a little better.

Daylight Savings - Good idea or the collapse of free will

I started to write a comment on this post and after 20 minutes I realized that it was getting long enough to be a stand alone post on its own. I have been on the warpath about daylight savings for quite some time.

I imagine that most people with with young kids will all agree with me when I say:

Yeah, daylight savings is cool because I get to argue with my 4 year old about going to bed when the sun is up.

But we aren't all parents of young kids. Many people seem to have a genuine interest in daylight savings. So what sorts of reasons do people have?

Extending trade time with the Eastern States is a joke. So is being able to go to the beach after work. You could always go to the beach before work and monetarily I'll bet we do more trade with the U.S. but we don't wind back our clocks 12 hours to be in sync with them do we?

I've often complained that I have a lot of rights but that not voting isn't one of them*. I understand that democracy is supposedly based on collating the voice of the people and doing what they want. Or at the very least, doing what most of them want.

But that isn't what happened. We did say no. What's next? Does the government say "Hey, let's join the French Republic" and when we all say no they'll do it anyway. That sounds like democracy went out the window right? It sounds like a dictatorship. It sounds totalitarian. It sounds like an Australia I don't want to be a part of*.

* Before people go on about it: Yes I am aware that there are many places where people don't have anywhere near the rights that I do and yes, I understand that Australia is a pretty good place to live. But I do have the right to complain (unlike the group of spineless Americans** who choose not to vote) and I'm choosing to exercise that right.

** I also realize the irony of calling non-voting Americans spineless in the same story as I complain about not having the right to not vote. I believe I should have the right, that doesn't mean I would exercise it.

Technorati tags: Politics, Daylight, Savings, Rants

"Mac Driver used to cure World Hunger"

Okay so before you read this post you should probably know that it is in response to this post. Basically I typed up a long comment (like really long) and then hit publish and I got timed out and lost my work. I should know better because I'm a web developer and get these sort of complaints from customers all of the time.

Anyway, after reading about Max's "Mac Driver" I came up with an alternate use for the device. The reasons for this alternate use are based on three correlated axioms;

1. Macintosh computers make extremely attractive paperweights
2. Macintosh computers would be okay if it weren't for those pesky Macintosh users AND
3. Whilst some Macintosh users would make extremely attractive paperweights they are unlikely to stand still long enough for effective paper-immobilization.

This leads me to the alternate use of the Mac Driver which is to fire Mac users into the sun. Since I cannot be bothered doing the calculations for determining the adjustments required to accelerate a person towards the sun at escape velocity, it is my firm belief that we can fire these unfortunate people into third world countries to help with world hunger.

Our greatest fear then becomes one of them surviving and rising up with a pissed off, hungry, third-world country backing them, demanding things like Special menus and so on in that fashion.

I got the dog owner blues

Man did I ever not want to get a dog. When first the dog was on the horizon here was my thought process:

Dogs are smelly, messy, needy, loud, obnoxious, and expensive pets which have all of the drawbacks of hermit crabs but are not as attractive.

Now, I love my dog (don't tell anyone I said that). And I find it wierd when I come home and she isn't here. But dammit if she wakes up the kids one more time by barking at the darkness I'm gonna have to do something the RSPCA wouldn't approve of.

That is the end of my story.

What is the Hindenberg Effect?

I'm going to post this on both blogs. I have a friend who loves to rant. I mean really rant. He could rant for his country. And win the gold. He is that good.

Anyway, I've been bugging him for weeks about starting a blog. The blogosphere is the perfect place to rant. Maybe no-one is listening now, but who knows what the future may bring, right?

Well, today he writes his first blog post and I couldn't be happier. He starts our with a great rant about people with ridiculous bits in their surnames. Have a read here at The Hindenberg Effect.

Now if only I could get Zerone doing it as well. Hmmm.

One arrival and one escape

First off; HUZZAH! my graduation certificate arrived yesterday. It has been stored safely away from jammy fingers and other such hazards (why is the sound of ripping paper so soothing to children) until such time as I get up to the shed and dig out that frame I bought 10 years ago for it.

That was the arrival. The escape was a group effort by my boys. Children are a conspiring and enterprising collection of people. They have this nasty habit of watching your motions and picking the optimal time to do something crazy. Like when they wait until the stove is boiling over before poking each other in the eye with sticks covered in unspeakable materials.

In this particular case, the children seem to have timed the minimum amount of time one needs to go to the bathroom. When my wife went to bathroom yesterday, our eldest son (nearly three years old), obligingly unlocked the front door (with the key), to let out our youngest son (just over one and a half).

Barbie has had practice going to the bathroom during the day when she's with the kids. She's got it down to seconds. But in that time our one and a half year old was at the next street and running like the unspeakable beast himself was after him. Giggling insanely.

I'd like to think that this is all a bit coincidental. That my eldest son just happened to open the door and that the younger one just happened to make a break for it. By accident. I am, unfortunately perhaps, inclined to beleive otherwise. This is mainly based on two things.

Firstly, I know my kids and they ARE evil incarnate (like all kids really). Secondly, when I got home and put the little bugger on my lap, he looked out the window at the corner of the street and waved at me and said "Seeya!" for about five minutes.

Anywho, after a harrowing experience, the kids are safe, the uni degree is safe, and everything turned out well. We are in the process of installing velcro to the ceiling so that the kids can be kept out of mischief whenever necessary.

Where the heck have I been?

While I'm sure that the legions of fans I used to have have since run away, I thought it was important to say something anyway.

I did have a few ideas for posts in mind. The joys of minor surgery, the anethsetising effect of badgers and pirates on small children, my hatred of blog-based development. But I really haven't had the time.

I did spend some time trying to alleviate this problem (too much in fact), and the results somehow ended up here. I am not going to go into details here because I have already spoken about it. (Follow the link).

But the question remains. What to do with two blogs. I actually think that this is a good idea. This one will remain a personal craziness blog where I can let down my hair and go nuts. And the other one will be a little more straight-laced and will focus more on the tech industry.

Well that'll do for now, but I'll hit back another post soon about pirates and badgers and their surprising effect on children, I promise.

P.S. Good luck Nettie, we're with you 100%.

B. My Valentine

I'm pretty sure she doesn't read my blog but I wanted to take the opportunity to send out hugs and kisses to my valentine, Barbie.

Barbie, I love you more today than I did yesterday and this has been going on for some time. I don't ever see it stopping either. I have no words that do my love justice.

amore sempre e per sempre

P.S. Jenny is good too. :)

I believe the verb is Scotaing

OK so I wanted to add to that a couple of things but I thought they deserved their own posts. First and foremost, I was invited to join in the Scouta private beta. I really wish that I had more time to play with this because it seems pretty cool. I too have suffered the hardships of trying to figure out what to watch and listen to. I too wished to know what other podcasts I increase my vast intellect using.

I'm still not too sure what I'm allowed to give away but I am pretty sure the guys are approaching release so keep your eyes peeled and be prepare to 'Tune into Scouta'.

Secondly, the university screwed up again. Last year, they lost my exam and the first I heard about it was when my termination notice arrived. Let me tell you that there was plenty of sleep lost then. This year, they modified my enrolment after processing my intention to graduate (apparently a major no-no) and so my graduation status was reset and I didn't recieve my graduation letter.

Now this would normally just be another heart in your throat moment but essentially harmless in the long run except that I've been so busy that I only discerned that it wsas all wrong enough to call them on Australia Day. Remember the Ely. Of course they were shut (apparently they were all listening to the triplej hottest 100). So I go to the website and lo and behold (faith and begora if you prefer), the cut-off date to attend the graduation ceremony is the day before Autralia Day.

Now I am extremely annoyed because although I got the whole thing sorted out, I don't get to go to the graduation ceremony. Maybe it's better this way. This way I don't 7000 relatives and friends all fighting to be one of the two I was going to invite.

I have now come to the conclusion that any organization that reaches a certain size lacks a certain quality that is, rather unfortunately, referred to in the english language as organization! Yet another example of english being entirely too flexible to be of any use.

The Great Journey

I have been on a great journey. I have trvelled from this place to the faraway lands, where the kings bow down to their subjects and where the fish fly and the birds swim. I have been to the edge of the world and dared to look over, knowing that it might drive me mad, and marvelled at the endless expnse of nothing I encountered. Truly I have looked into the abyss, and now I return unto you a changed man. A wiser man. A man reborn.

But enough of that crap. I have been away from the internet for quite a while. This might seem a sorry state of affairs for a guy who is a web developer but in reality I rarely have the time to just "Go for a surf" these days. I complain and whinge alot but since my last post, I have read 3 novels (excellent ones but I'll get to that), watched 2 1/2 series of Babylon 5 (also very cool but if you haven't watched them yet you are unlikely to), had a rent inspection, washed a few dishes... Alright, so my excuses are lame. Sue me.

The important point is that I am back. I am feeling "ze passion". "Do you remember the ze passion, Tony? It must have been hard for you, to hear zem say dat disco is dead." Sorry I slipped into some Cassanova Frankenstein for a minute there.

There is more but it deserves it's own post.

P.S. There is a lovely post on Netties blog where she is complaining about having to drive to Stoneville to get internet acces. Well, I am on dial-up. If I want effective access to the internet, I am ALSO better of driving to Stoneville.

P.P.S. Check out the new Pilbara Health and Beilby websites. This is what I do. And it's awesome.

Huzzah for Me

So I got my university results. Two credits means a graduation ceremony in Febuary next year. Ten years, one marriage, three kids, four cars, five jobs and a brain-fuse or two later and I finally made it. And I made it just in time for my ten year high-school reunion tomorrow.

On another note, your favorite internet deity (and mine), Richard Giles is up to something. It is a... well I have no idea what it is but he is trying to generate some buzz. The theory from my perspective is that I mention Scouta here on my blog, and anyone who reads it mentions Scouta on their blog and anyone who reads their blog... well you get the idea.

We want technorati humming the word Scouta in the wind. We want google to feature the Scouta colors for just one day. We want Microsoft execs sitting in boardrooms huddled in fear. Well probably not. But it's fun to dream right.

And also, sign up if you are interested. I did. I am intrigued, as I am sure is at least partly the intent of the conspirators. There is a wonderful feel of suspense about the whole thing which keeps me reading the blog waiting for some morsel of information.

The Grim Sounds of Ely

Okay, so I'm still alive, but it was a near thing. It seems that the pressures of a busy work life and hectic home life and culmination of ten years of tertiary eductaion were more than enough to make me "flip my lid". There was a moment there where I thought that if I didn't actually slow down I would have a stroke and die.

As it turns out it wasn't that bad, I got a serious chest infection instead. And when I got back to work, I was a week behind. That's always good for stress levels right. Once I got through my anti-biotics I of course did another couple of 2am'ers and ended up sick again. You'd think I would learn my lesson huh?

Well, even though that was all bad I have started listening to a podcast which is essentially about all of the challenges I would face in any given work-day. It's called dotnetrocks and it's been around for ages. I can't believe that I'm so much of a nerd that I download and listen to a radio show about programming.

As a total aside to this I discovered the podcast series by Rory Blythe called The Smartest Man in the World. I dare anybody to not find the Neopoleon County Blue Laws informative and useful. The world would be a better place if government started enforcing them instead of "making" me enjoy an extra hour of daylight.

Oh yeah, we have daylight saving now. Let me just say, "I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVING". It brings out a steady stream of annoying fascists who demand that it is a better way simply because they can go to beach after work. Do they have kids who refuse to sleep because the sun is still up? Why can't they get up before work and go to the beach?

And then someone says something really intelligent like "It's just so they can have another hour of trade with the Eastern States". Like they are the be all and end all of trade. People also do business with America but we don't wind our clocks back 16 hours to deal with them do we? Anywho, this is starting to turn into a rant so back on topic.

I want to make a special mention of a dear friend who has passed away today. Katz came with our house. She refused to leave so we started feeding her and she seemed fairly content. She put up with a steady stream of kids poking her in all sorts of innapriate places and even the annoying dog who like to lick her face. She was named by my daughter who kept calling her Katz until it stuck. She was also discovered to be a he after a couple of years but she never seemed to mind. Katz developed cancer in her ears a little while back. She went through several operations but never really healed properly and was today buried at my mother in laws house. Katz we will miss you.

Well now I find I'm crying again so I'll sign off. For those of you who have no idea what the title of the post is going on about I suggest you look into The Meaning of Liff. It is crammed full useful little terms which everyone should adopt. Well until next time, this is Mike, treading water and juggling fire.

Dude, where's my life?

Well I just submitted my last university assignment ever (I hope). I have to tell you that it feels good. All I really need now is some beer.

Unfortunately the craziness isn't yet over. I've got about 20 hours of work to do (outside of normal work hours) between now and Tuesday lunch time. We all know what that means... Working Weekends time.

And that won't even finish me off. Oh no. Because after that I have exams Thursday AND Friday. And then I have another project to present the following Monday which will take at least 25 hours to cobble together.

We all know what that means... Working Weekends Time.

How did this happen? I used to work weekends because I was studying during the week. I guess in many respects that argument still stands. Nevertheless, I feel a bit mental at the moment.

You may have noticed the length of time between my last post and this one. Or even between the previous one and the one before. Well, these crazy goings-on have been on the table for a little while. You kind of end up waiting for the moment when you can rest but it never comes.

Like right now, I feel that I should go to bed and sleep. But by the same token, I know how much I have to do tomorrow and there is some small (but annoyingly loud) part of me which keeps suggesting that the more I get done now, the less I'll have to do tomorrow, and the later I can sleep in.

But then, it isn't just tomorrow. It's the next 10 days.

O so soon is the christmas break. Nettie, I say this for you. "I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS". A glorious 10 days off.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but right now I am so run down that I wouldn't enjoy a chocolate eating contest (even though I've been on a diet for a week).

How did I get on such a glum note? It's just the space I'm in right now. I can't wait for beer and sleep. And spending time with my family and friends.

Ah well, even without caffeine I am far too wired to sleep yet. I might read some X-men comics or something. Warlock and Cypher are about to die and that will be sad. I'll be back soon, and I promise to be happier.

One Week

Wow, a whole week has gone by and I haven't posted anything to the blog. I feel kinda bad, like I just kicked a puppy or something.

Well, to be fair, it's assignment and test time at uni (tomorrow's my last official day. Then come the exams), it's crunch time at work, I hardly have the time to say hello to my family, and also, I'm almost out of hours on my cruddy dial-up account. You do remember dial-up right.

I hate assignments. And clients. These are the things that require preparation. I have decided that what I actually don't like is preparation. It seems that whenever something requires a decent amount of prep work, that's when I tune out.

I like tests. Tests just happen. Either you know your stuff or you don't. There is no point trying at the very last second to get anything done.

Ah well, I'm rambling and I promise I'll try and say something good soon.