Does anyone else have a brain which randomly shouts things at you at inappropriate times? It's like my own subconscious is constantly looking for weird (and potentially funny) stuff to say. Very odd.
As an example, I was doing one of those Getting to Know you emails which my bro forwarded on to me this evening. You know the ones which circulate around starting from some smart-assed spammer who eventually gets it back chocked full of peoples buying habits and email addresses.
Now, I usually go a little silly with these sorts of things but when i got to question 40 I just started going off the rails. If you have more than one train on the track then this is probably okay I guess. So what was question 40 then? It was:
Do you make friends easily?OK. Nothing too crazy right? Except that my brain immediately goes
"No. Robotics is difficult. I can usually create some kind of contraption which can walk a few steps on flat ground. Of course it isn't very energy efficient so I wind up walking next to it and carrying the power supply. This is OK though, I don't mind walking hand-in-hand because isn't that really what friends are for.
All of which is great and all but sometimes I want to climb a gentle gradient. And some shops have little steps in front of them. And sometimes I just want to sit and chat. My robotic friends make great listening partners but they rarely have an idea of their own. At least I assume that they never have an idea of their own. If they did they would probably have a hard time expressing it as they are just a pair of robotic legs which can't even carry their own power supply.
That's another thing. Do you know how embarrassing it is to take a friend to a party and have it run out of batteries. Even those of you whose friends are not made of Popsicle sticks and rubber bands have probably had to suffer the embarrassment of carrying a friend home from a party.
My friend never gets any of my subtle hints either. Whenever I want to be alone with a chick he just sticks around no matter how many times I yell at him "DUDE I NEED SOME QUALITY TIME WITH MY WOMAN!". Eventually I have to carry him out of the room and by then the shampoo commercial is usually over.
I've tried to improve my skills but there is very little instructional material on making your own friends on the back of Wheat-Boxes, which as we all know is the encyclopedia of the masses. If anyone has tried to make a companion using techniques found from a different kind of early morning snack box then I would be most grateful for the help."
At that point I read the whole email. Giggled my ass off and decided to remove it. I felt that it deserved more exposure than the 9 people I forwarded the email to. Even though it would have helped people to Get to know me, I'm not entirely convinced that it's such a good idea. I love it. It's a masterpiece. But it detracted from the email.
But it deserved to live. It needed to be read. And so, dear reader I leave you wondering, "is this guy mental, or is he just one of us?"